Jacki’s last newsletter, in all its conciseness, has seized my recent thoughts. “Modern humans often forget that being uncomfortable at times is necessary for one’s mental and emotional wellbeing.” As I shiver in my poorly insulated house, listening to the rain drip in through a floor-to-ceiling crack by the front door, I think about my various life decisions that fall in line with those words. A year ago, much of the direction in my life had been lost, and I was on the verge of moving from the Bay Area. I didn’t have a job at the time, and was spending most of my time furiously researching housing options. Each day yawned horridly before me. My back sagged from being hunched over endless Craigslist ads, and my cheeks stiffened from the hopeless tears of defeat that inevitably soaked them every few hours.
There were many factors commanding this wretched state, and many changes that worked to unravel it. However, there was one thing that seemed to reoccuringly dominate my despair: guilt. I felt as if I had no right to feel the way that I did, and felt horrible for feeling horrible. What problems was I really facing? What difficulty was really crushing me so completely that I was reduced to such a state? Of course, this engenders an endless spiral of self-deprecation, and only obscures the few pinpoints of possibility for anything to be any different.
A lot has happened since that several-month-long drag, and daily I consider what has made me feel completely different at this point. I began working on my bike again in February; in April I joined Cupid. Little compares to the slow burn in my legs as I churn up block after block of %15 grade. The sun can roast my skin, or the wind chafe it, and my wrists can ache from the jolts of cracked pavement and potholes. As I also returned to lifting weights from a nine-month hiatus, the soreness in my muscles whispers hoarsely with the exertion already murmuring through me. And what a relief it all was. How glorious it felt to understand my body once again; it had a purpose beyond society’s narrow, superficial judgements, and was mine once again to feel and experience. It didn’t solve everything right away; however, it provided something else to draw me away from feeling as if I could do nothing. Through the emotional stagnation and despair, it reminded me that I was alive, and how glad I was to be.
Hey check it out we have a new website! Things are changing very rapidly over here at Cupid as two of our beloved Cupoids, Michele and Jacki, are taking off to explore other avenues in life. We wish them all the best! Furthermore, we will be making adjustments and fine-tuning some things so that we can keep providing y’all with the service you have come to know and expect.
In other news, we will be CLOSED on Friday, December 25th and Friday, January 1st but we will be open for the rest of the holiday season. Also both of our numbers ARE currently working. We were having some technical difficulties with one of the lines earlier this week but things have since been resolved.
Hooray for the first post on the new site! See y’all out there!